Chapter 7 “A Public Spat?”
“No, put it towards the top for now,” John replied as he took the next note. “Car needs repairs. Definitely at the top so far.” He placed the note on the table immediately.
Lisa already had the next note ready. “Zoning problem,” she said staring at the table. “Well, John? Where should I put this?”
“Set it above ‘Poor organization’ for now,” John answered, looking at the next note. “‘Black mark on our credit.’ That should go above Lisa’s spending because we couldn’t pay the Visa bill for a couple of months.”
“I suppose you’re right,” said Lisa, “but what about this one?” Lisa wasn’t feeling very happy with John or herself. “‘Failure to qualify for bank loan.’”
“I better let you place that one,” John said hastily.
They continued going through the little stack of notes until they looked like this:
They read:
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WETLANDS ZONING PROBLEM |
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CAR NEEDS REPAIRS |
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LISA SPENDING TOO MUCH |
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JOHN BECOMING EASILY DEJECTED |
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LISA NOT HAPPY WITH JOHN OR HERSELF |
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JOHN’S POOR ORGANIZATION |
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BLACK MARK ON CREDIT |
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LISA’S MOTHER’S NEGATIVE OPINION |
“I think the bank loan comes after my tendency to become dejected, even though it makes me more depressed to think about it,” said John. “What’s next?”
“Strained marriage relationship,” read Lisa, raising her eyebrows and smirking. “Maybe we should discuss this one privately.”
“See if you can place it,” encouraged Rob. “Just don’t start playing the blame game.”
“I’ll defer to your judgment, Lisa.” John made a surrender motion with his arms and smiled. “Have at it.”
Lisa stared at the note and the table intermittently for a while. Finally she spoke. “After the relationship is strained, it feels as though it is the cause of the problems, but I believe it belongs on the top.” She set the note down. “We can always move it later.”
“This one is yours John, ‘Cash tied up in property.’” She handed John the card.
John put his chin on his hand, looking at the complaint. “Why did we put such a large down payment on the property? I guess it had felt so right. But where should we place it? It should have helped with the bank appraisal, the bank didn’t know about the wetlands glitch.
“Well, we’ll set it next to the wetlands problem for now,” he said, taking the last note. “This one is a beauty. ‘Income stinks.’ Obviously, I didn’t write that one. Where should we put it?”
“Well, I can’t answer that question,” answered Rob. “But I can say this complaint is awfully subjective. You know, there are a lot of couples that would be thrilled to have your income. It can be easy to complain too much.”
“So where do we put this?” John asked Lisa.
Lisa was staring at the complaint arrangement. “I don’t like how this is shaping up,” she said at last. “John’s poor organization is at the bottom of all this and that can’t be right!”
Rob spoke up, “You could be right Lisa. Sometimes a core complaint can be missing or just worded incorrectly. But let’s focus on the last note for now. Maybe there’s a more constructive way to phrase it. Why do you feel your income is a problem?”
John and Lisa looked at each other. John shrugged “I don’t know, I guess because there is never anything left at the end of the month and we want more.”
Lisa tapped her pen on the table. “Maybe we could say, ‘Negative income to expense ratio.’ How does that sound?” She looked at John and Rob.
“That’s another way to say it,” responded Rob.
“Sounds right to me,” added John.
“OK, so where does it go?” Lisa pondered it for a minute. “I almost think we should reword John’s poor organization and try reworking the cause and effect sequence. I mean, even if John’s strong point may not be organizing it can’t be the cause of all of our problems, right John?”
“Well, you wrote that complaint. Is it really fair, or is there something else that really bothers you?” John suggested.
Lisa nodded. “It does feel like all of my problems would go away if you were better organized, but that’s probably unrealistic.” She thought a bit. “What could I actually be trying to say?
“I guess what I really want is for you to take care of all my wants and desires. To be on the ball and be an infallible provider, almost as if you could read my mind. I’m sorry, John, I know that sounds like a spoiled child, but deep down that’s what I need emotionally.”
John looked bewildered, “Hey look, Lisa. I’m not a shrink and I’m not Superman. I’m just an average engineer alright?”
“I know, I really do. I know it’s totally unrealistic, but a woman wants to feel her man is taking care of her and I just don’t feel that with everything that’s been going on! Tell you what, let’s change it to ‘Lisa feels John’s poor organization is a big problem.”
John looked a bit less annoyed and said, “Fine. So, now what?” he asked Rob.
What will they do…? Post your prediction!
Mister P
October 1, 2009 | Posted by Mister P
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My prediction…
Lisa needs to grow up. She needs to stop talking negatively about him around her mother, basically there needs to be mutual respect. Compared to this negative energy that this is sucking the joy and life out of their marriage, a zoning issue on a new house is meaningless.
Seize the Day,
Rob
Emergency Preparedness For the 21st Century Family
I see a divorce in the making.
Lisa McLellan
Child Care Expert,
Babysitting Services, Babysitting Tips, Babysitters, Nannies
I think they need to get Lisa’s Mother to sort out the Wetlands Zoning Problem, whilst John and Lisa have a second honeymoon (paid for by Lisa’s Mother)!
http://www.martin-wright.com
First they recognise that they did this to themselves so it is theirs to undo.
They have ordered their list so they formulate a strategy to deal with each by using short term goals of about 48 hours. This keeps them moving towards an outcome even during high stress.
They stay together and use the synergy of the partnership to work for them. After all two people have more resources than just one alone.
Keri Eagan
Anything Alternative
Oh the public spat does NOT bode well for a happy marriage!
Happy Relationships,
April Braswell
Your Wedding Planning on a Budget
Seems to be trouble in paradise.
Steve Chambers, Sale Trainer Speaker
Things are not looking good
Jose Escalante
http://www.joseescalante.com
Great information as always. Greetings from the Nations Capitol.
Scott
http://www.salesjunkie.net
http://www.scottpayne.me
I think he need to call April and get into the online dating game. Divorce her.
Robert Martin
http://www.carbuyinghq.com
Bring up issues to the surface is a good way to wipe the alte clean & start over again.
John Ho
Numerology Expert Birthday Numeroscope