Chapter 2 “A Feeling of Despair”

September 25, 2009 | Posted by Mister P

- A FEELING OF DESPAIR -

                John arrived home after 8:00 that evening. He’d stayed late at work, then visited the property for as long as possible, dreading the return home with this kind of news, but he couldn’t put it off any longer. He and Lisa had lived in this crummy apartment complex since they were first married. Now he wondered if they would ever escape this place.

                He walked in, hung up his coat and called, “Lisa?” He walked down the narrow hall past the kitchen into the living room, where saw her curled up on the couch, reading a book.

                “Hey Hon, your dinner’s in the refrigerator,” she said distractedly. “Where have you been?”

                “Been kinda stressed, so I went to the property. Sorry I’m late,” John mumbled.

                As John’s dinner was heating, Lisa came into the kitchen. “My mom’s coming with us to the property tomorrow,” she informed him.

                A blast of cold shot up John’s spine. OK, this was it, the moment of truth. “Look, honey, about the home loan, I have some bad news,” he said.

                “What do you mean?”

                “We weren’t approved.” He couldn’t stand to look at her, so he stared down at the table.

                “What do you mean we weren’t approved?” Lisa asked, bewildered.

                “The bank denied our loan.”

He tried desperately to keep his voice calm. She didn’t say a word so he continued, “It must be because of the bad credit we had. But that’s not all, the building permit was denied, turns out that parcel is zoned as a wetland! It’s as if the entire project is jinxed!” His voice trembled slightly.

                “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Lisa’s voice was rising. “I was so excited for mom to come see the land! Now what do I tell her?” Lisa was angry. “She’s been disappointed in me ever since I married you.”

                “Hey, I didn’t know you were going to invite your mother! You never tell me what’s going on. I just found out this afternoon and I’ve been sick about it all day.”

The last thing John needed to be reminded of now was his mother-in-law’s disapproval. She had disapproved of him from the very beginning and she let everyone know it.

 “I wasn’t the one who ruined our credit!” he continued, his voice steadily rising despite his efforts to remain calm. “And if you think I care what your mother thinks, you’re wrong!”

                “I just want her to be happy with me! She was so pleased that we were finally getting a house and I…I…” Lisa burst into tears.

                John turned and left the kitchen. His appetite was gone and all he wanted now was to get away from Lisa. She ruined their credit with her reckless spending yet her mom still wanted to blame him for everything. It was too much to bear at the moment. He retreated to the bedroom and lay down on the bed.

He laid there, his mind racing. He was suddenly thinking about his own parents, how they had wanted him to get a master’s degree, get his career in order – the career his Dad wanted for him, anyway – have a nice home and get married. Did Lisa’s mother have a point? Ever since they’d been married a year ago he’d been struggling to make ends meet. But he had saved enough money to buy a nice parcel of land near the lake and he had been putting all his efforts into obtaining their dream home. He finally drifted off into a troubled sleep.

                When he awoke, Lisa was not in bed. Passing the living room, he saw her asleep in the rocking chair with a book in her lap. Their relationship had been deteriorating. At first he thought it was a phase that would pass, but it seemed a lot more serious now. They had both been so excited about building a home of their own and he thought they were pulling together. Lisa was making all kinds of plans for the decorations, how to lay out the kitchen, etc. Now everything seemed to go up in smoke, and their relationship with it.

                John let the scalding water from the shower fall upon his face. Why did everything have to be so difficult? Why couldn’t some things just go smoothly? Was he not trying hard enough? At least Lisa’s parents talked to her. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken with his parents. What was wrong with him?

                He had a good education and a good job working at an engineering firm, designing bridges. It was a challenging and fulfilling job but his days at work seemed to drag. He didn’t converse much with others. He couldn’t stay focused on his work. At noon each day he could hear his coworkers laughing and talking. How could they be so happy? Life was one big disappointment after another. He avoided starting a conversation with anyone and ate lunch alone in his cubicle most of the time.

                Sighing, John shut off the shower and got ready for work.

                Lisa sat in the rocking chair watching John’s car leave the driveway. She wondered what would happen now. Why didn’t he try harder? Surely with a little more effort, something could have been done to get the loan to go through! Maybe she should have been the one taking care of it all. Maybe he didn’t have much motivation after all.

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Mister P… Perseverance…Passion…Patience…etc

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