Chapter 15 “Solutions Continued”

October 12, 2009 | Posted by Mister P

            Lisa took the pen and paper and wrote down what John was talking about. She also drew a little arrow back to the part about using regular dates to connect with each other. “I think I really get it now,” she said. “By focusing on the 5 Steps, we aren’t focusing on each other’s failings. It takes the personal hurt out of the problem, and we work together to look for solutions instead of complaining.”

            “Well, we’ll see how well that works on the next topic: your mother.”

            The next objection was, “Lisa’s mother will continue to have a polarizing affect.” Lisa looked at it and drew a line through the word “polarizing.” “You know what?” she asked. “She will always have an affect, but we are the ones who let her polarize us. She’s just being who she is. We have to commit to not let it affect us so much.”

            “Deal! I don’t like it when she criticizes me, but I married you, not her. I’ll try to not let it get to me so much. But why is she always this way? What is she really afraid of?”

            “I don’t know, but that’s another good point to put down.”

            Lisa wrote, “Find out what is really scaring Lisa’s mother.” She thought a moment, then added, “After understanding core issue, use The Master Method to solve.”

            “Is she afraid you’re going to end up homeless? Sure, there’s a setback in the house right now and we both hate this apartment, but we both have decent jobs. I mean, it’s not like the landlord is going to throw us out into the street any time soon.”

            “Maybe she just thinks I should have a higher standard of living. Let’s face it, this apartment isn’t exactly the Ritz.”

            “Well, write both of those down for us to explore later,” John suggested. “You might also ask if my ‘lack of prestige’ hurts her pride. I know she has a lot of ‘successful’ friends.”

            “Well, mom does love to socialize. Now about your infuriating disorganization!” She said it as a joke, so for once John didn’t take offense. He gave her a sheepish little smile, then grabbed the paper and pen back. He spoke aloud as he wrote, “Will…always…aggravate…Lisa. Why?”

            “Why?”

            “Yes, why? What really bugs you about that? I know I’m pretty disorganized at times, but is it really that big of a problem? I don’t see how it really affects you.”

            “I really don’t know. Maybe it reminds me of my dad. I can’t tell you how many time I missed the beginning of a movie, or lost something, or missed a party with my friends because he couldn’t get me anywhere on time. I actually missed out on a scholarship to Princeton because he lost the acceptance letter he was supposed to mail back for me. I found it a month later in a pile of old bills. You have no idea how upset I was over that or how much it hurt!”

            The pain and anger in her voice gave John a pretty good indication of how much it hurt, but her anger wasn’t directed at him. He put down the paper, sat next to Lisa, and gave her a big hug. She buried her face in his shoulder.

            “I’m sorry honey. The fact is it hurts you, and that’s something I can’t allow to happen any more. I need to own this problem myself and I will. And I promise I will change. I just need you to be a little more accepting of me. I think the more we get to know ourselves and each other honestly, it will help a lot.”

            She lifted her head and gave a little nod, then wiped a few tears from her eyes. “What’s the next one?” she asked.

            John hesitated. She was pretty emotional, and this was like throwing a bomb at her. He decided to say it as unemotionally as possible. “Lisa’s spending will emotionally bankrupt relationship.” Then he added quickly, “You know, I think we’ve more than covered that under money and values.”

            She nodded again, this time with a little smile. He really was trying to be gallant. “You know, John,” she said. “There are other ways to improve our marriage.”

            Before he could ask what, she gave him the answer. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

How will the drama play out…?

To Your Perseverance,

Mister P

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