Chapter 14 “Start of Solutions!”

October 10, 2009 | Posted by Mister P

            John picked up the phone in his office and dialed Rob at around 10am.

“ABC Construction. This is Rob, how can I help you?” Rob’s voice answered.

“Hi, Rob, it’s John.”

“Oh, hello, John! How are you and Lisa doing?”

“We’re doing great. We’ve outlined 7 goals and objections and we’re ready to move on with the 5^th Step, solve your negative objections one by one. We were wondering if you had any pointers. This looks like the hardest step.”

“Actually, this should be the step that’s the most fun. You’ve already done all the hard work and you’ve cleared the air of any negativity. Now you just need to look at each objection positively, thinking outside the box, so to speak. Think of each objection as an obstacle. You might not be able to move it, but maybe you can go around it. Look at other options and be creative. This is where you need to focus your positive energy and creativity.”

“Alright, we’ll give it a try. Thanks for the encouragement.”

“Just glad to help!”

-  -

That night, John and Lisa tackled the first goal, “Always improve our marriage.” They decided to take one objection at a time, from top to bottom. The first objection was, “We always fight about money.”

            “Well, this is easy,” said Lisa. “We fight about money because we never have enough.”

            “But that’s not really true,” answered John. “Not only do we have enough, we had enough to make a large down payment on the property and to build a house. The problem is we constantly overspend.”

            Even though he said “we,” Lisa knew he meant her. She wanted to say something snide but she realized it would not be productive. Besides, he really didn’t spend that much. He would only come back with something about how he needed to spend money on the car and hadn’t done it. That was true.

            “Well, I realize I can’t just try to console myself when I feel upset by just going out and buying something new. I want the house more than anything. But I think you need to be honest about your work and what you could do to earn more money. You haven’t had a raise in a year, yet you’re always working late.”

            “That’s fair. Maybe we should try to understand why we want to spend so much?”

            He said “we” again. Lisa realized that he was obviously trying to make this as non-confrontational as possible. This was the first time either could remember that this issue hadn’t led to a shouting match.

            “OK, as a solution, let’s put down, ‘Dig into and understand the hopes and dreams that are behind the money,’” she offered.

            He added it to the page and said, “That’s a good insight. I suppose we both realize that our hopes and dreams are all tied up in the new house for the moment. Well, in the house and in working together to build a new life for each other.” He gave her a little smile, and it touched Lisa’s heart.

            “You’re right, John. Any money that’s not spent on the house isn’t going to get us toward our goal. From now on, let’s work on making a budget we can follow and stay on target with the house. Whatever’s left over we can split. That way we don’t have to worry about having no money left at the end of the month.”

            “That’s a great idea! And you made another good point earlier. I think we need to add, ‘Self knowledge and acceptance.’ I need to accept that I could earn more money and understand myself enough to make that happen.”

            “And I need to understand why I feel the urge to spend, but I also need to know my own priorities. Right now, not spending money we don’t have has to be a priority.

You know, this is the first time we’ve been able to discuss this rationally. We should do this more often.”

John wrote on their goal sheet, “Use regular dates to create ‘safe’ environments to discuss and understand each other’s hopes and fears.’”

            “That looks good,” Lisa agreed. And that really applies to the next objection as well. We don’t share the same values.”

            “You know, I think that is already changing. Using the Master Method has really helped us realign with each other. It’s easy to say our values differ, but emotionally it hurts. It’s like the person I care about most is rejecting me and stomping on my values, hopes and fears.”

More coming…

To your perseverance,

Mister P

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